Why Haiti..

It's occured to me that many of you may not know why I really came to Haiti, why I have wanted to come here for so long. It has come to my attention, through the unbelievable support I've been getting that many of you reading my blog are probably not aware of my passion, the driving force that led me here to this difficult and fascinating place. So let me explain if you care to know.

The word is Restavek.  What does it mean? Well, it is a Creole noun that means 'stays with'. What does it really mean? I will tell you, but before I do I want you to promise to read my words with an open heart, a heart that truly feels the pain of this thing, it will hurt, but that is the manner in which I write about this and hope that it can be read with the same reality and human connection.

Each Restavek case is different, so I will tell you about the most common practices.
It all starts in rural Haiti. Poor families, with little to live off, many mouths to feed, and no money coming into to the household. Pretty much all schools in Haiti are private and fee paying, so kids from poor families will often not be able to attend - even though education here is very highly valued, and what little money comes in is often put towards school and uniforms etc over food.
Then one day, a lady comes to the house and offers about 2000gourds (approx 40euro) to take one of the children away and place them in a family in the city where they will be fed every day and sent to school in return for some household work. It must be noted here that there are no amenities in Haiti. People do not have washing machines, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners. No running water for washing, cleaning, cooking, drinking, flushing toilets, no electricity for light, for cooking, watching tv, charging their phones. No refuse collection, no postman, no social welfare. All the things that these machines and facilities do, need to be done manually, and it's pretty much a full time job.
So the lady (trafficker) takes this kid to Port-au-Prince, to a slum, and sells him/her to a poor (a little less poor than the child's family) for about 3000 to 4000gds (60 - 80 euro). This child is now a Restavek. A child staying with a family that is not his/her own. Restaveks can be boys or girls (more girls, but not by much) and usually aged 5-14 years old - they can be younger, they can be older.
When they arrive in the new environment, they are forced to work day and night. They perform all the household tasks, walk to and from the water pump many times a day, in their bare feet, wearing filthy rags, as they wash their new "family's" clothes. Haitians dress very proudly, always in pristine clothes. 80% of these restaveks are physically abused daily, they often display many scars. And approx 80% of the girl restaveks, and some of the boys too, are repeatedly sexually abused, often rented out to the neighbours too.
They are not fed any food other than the scraps, when there are some, of the food they have prepared for the family. They are not sent to school as promised either, sometimes allowed to go occasionally when all the work is completed, but this is pointless as they will always stay too far behind to make any progress.

Haitian kitchen

They have no place to sleep. They will crawl under the bed, or kitchen table, or find a little corner to put their head down. They have to stay up long after everyone is asleep and get up long before anyone wakes.
This is Slavery. There are about 300 000 restaveks in Haiti.
Many run away and they become one of the hundreds of thousands of street kids. They grow up, join gangs, commit crimes and often end up getting killed.

I spoke to a guy from The International Organisation on Migration (IOM) the other day who told me about a recent case where a 14 year old restavek got pregnant after being raped, and the 'mother' in the household gave her an abortive tea which killed her as it comprised mainly of rat-killer. There is no system of prosecution for cases like these. No system of protection for these children.

Haiti has so many problems. It had a multitude of unsurmountable problems before the earthquake, and now, millions are still displaced and homeless, thousands are dying of cholera.. The list of priorities to help Haiti is endless.. and restaveks are nowhere near the top.

But they are at the top for me. They are the reason I am here, and the reason I chose to dedicate my life to contributing to the development of this country. For me, this isn't a short trip, to do my time of volunteering and to return to my life.. this is my life, it is a path I chose 4 years ago when I first learnt that these kids existed, when I decided i refuse to live in a world where this exists, and therefore will do everything in my power to stop it. Bit unrealistic, I know, but one can dream?

Timoun yo

Vaina had just pushed another kid out of the way before plastering a big smile on her face for the picture..

Ismaelle and Methaida, so sweet / so cheeky!

Vaina showing off her art work.. and herself.

Timoun yo

As much as I try to slip by unnoticed, this gang follow me all around the neighbourhood..

Her mum is called Lovely :)

They look cute... bu they're a HANDFUL!! Ha ha

It started to get out of hand and they got angry...

Some were a little confused...

Others were born to be in front of the lens, he he!

Dog eat dog..

Yesterday I was sitting in the car with Moise driving and Frantz in the back (KCH students) and we ran over a dog :( big THUMP.. apparently he walked away.. probably fatally injured. That really made me sad. There are lots of street dogs here, just scavenging the garbage heaps 24/7.. most are really skinny, many have ailments.. Some lie dying on the side of the road.. If there wasnt so much other tragedy here, I would be so tempted to help them!!

The Donate Button....

Hi everyone..
I hate asking anyone for money.. but I am currently in a really difficult situation.
I have arrived in Haiti to a house which is inadequate to live it.. even by local standards. It is unfinished, unsafe, spooky, filled to the brim with mosquitos (the mosquitos here carry diseases like malaria and dengue), the water here has countless diseases, like cholera and I have to be very careful what I ingest.. I already got violently ill whilst in that house, i dont know what from, but it is clear to me I can't go back, until at least, it is finished with mosquito nets on the windows (to also keep the tarantulas out - which can also make me very sick.. I have also heard there are scorpions here) and a kitchen so that I can occasionaly heat some water or some soup or something...
Electricity will always be a problem there, and the internet will never be reliable. (I'm not sure I can live without those, alone, for a year)

This is a pig.. just wanted to break up the text.

Basically, I am looking for other accomodation. I dont expect luxury, I can live very basically, just not alone in those conditions. The organisation I am working for cannot afford to help me with my living costs outside of the office, and rent here is surprisingly very expensive.. Way more than I was paying in Hull! I am going to have to spend all of the stipend given to me by the organisation which is enough to cover very basic food, on providing myself with a basic home.. and even that will only cover half of my rent, without taking into account transport (I have to go everywhere by motorbike taxi which is expensive, but i have no choice) and food..
The fact is, i simply do not have enough money to stay. BUT I dont want to go home!! I desperately want to be here and do what I came to do.. Haiti has been my obsession for 4 years now, and everything I have done in that time has been leading up to this. I have given up everything to be here, my job, my flat, all my possessions (bar a few trinkets in storage - thanks Fi :)), my loved ones, family and friends..
I am risking a lot being here too.. my health, my safety, but this is my passion. To give something back to these people who are suffering so so much, who have been forgotten by the world. I don't want to go 'home'.
So please, I hate so much to ask... but I am desperate.. If you can spare a few quid, I would appreciate it so so much, and I can assure you, it is not so I can live in luxury and have loads of fun! Life here is incredibly hard, and in order to do my job, I need a minimum of safety, comfort and sanity..

Thank you my dear friends..

If you see value in my work here, and feel you want to contribute, please click the donate button to donate to my paypal account.. Thanks xxx

Day of the Dead

The 2nd of November was the day of the dead here in Haiti. Mostly that means a big voodoo festival, but seeing as I am new here, I haven't yet witnessed any explicit voodoo.. I know, however, despite my scepticism, that it is not something to mess around with. I'm sure in time I will see some of the otherwordly things they do.. and I'll keep you informed.

Every thursday, the hospital where I am currently staying take their unclaimed dead to a mass burial site just outside Port au Prince. On the Day of the Dead, a mass is held there, which i went along to, curious to see this site and to connect a little more with the reality here.. the reality of death all around.

Cars were leaving from the hospital and I was climbing into the back of a pick-up truck when I was ordered inside the car.. "This isnt tourism," Sister Judy said, "we're driving through areas where there's been kidnappings of blancs[whites]".. This woman is American, and a little bossy to say the least.

We drove out of Port au Prince, to the north, until the houses were fewer and fewer and all that was left was a barren hill with spread out shack and tents.. Thousands of people had been relocated there from the inner city tent-cities, but they had not been provided with any facilities like water, sanitation, electricity, so most ended up going back.. Just another example of misdirected goodwill.

We then got to a road really close to the sea that was glistening and blue. It looked so inviting and also spooky.. as we drove, Sister Judy explained that before this burial site was adopted by the organisation, the state dumped the thousands of dead bodies in the sea. Human bones drifted back onto shore and clothing could be found along the coast. We then drove up a tiny dirt track into thick thick smoke. Piles of garbage were burning on the hills around us. 

We arrived in this eery landscape, on the day of the dead and were met by a dozen, even eerier, nuns, who had traveled from their convent to the mass.

There were a few crosses stuck in the ground, but they were not marking individual graves.. each grave had hundreds of people in.

This is a site where hundreds of thousands of people were laid to rest (dumped) after the earthquake, nameless, forgotten, their families still not knowing their whereabouts.

The nuns sang in the mass, songs in creole, english, french.. and the rituals were performed in their usual fashion.. weird and surreal to me. The day was in honour of the dead, and the point of the mass was to pray for the sould of the people buried here and to ask them to pray for us down here. A faint rainbow appeared in the sky (it was kinda raining, not really that weird) and the small crowd all jeered and echoed 'oh my goodness', 'a gift from god'... Yeh.. a little annoying. Anyway.. the site itself was not annoying.. It was an area of three rolling hills and the third in the distance was where the burying began.. thousands of people dead from the Duvalier regime, then hundreds of thousands from the earthquake, then cholera, and all the other ailments inflicting these poor people, up to the spot where we stood. And to our left, another hill, which will soon be full as well.

Burials here in Haiti are BIIIIG business.. Praying for the souls of the dead, and a big send-off into the afterlife is one of the few things that even the poorest of Haitians will spend THOUSANDS of dollars on!! It's so sad. They cannot afford to feed their kids or send them to school, yet they will do anything they can to provide an expensive funeral for a loved one.

The people buried at this site by the hospital priest, are those who were so poor, they were abandoned in death.

Then the band started playing some happy music (there's always a band, and a party at the end) and the ceremony was over."When the Saints"

I left feeling very moved. Happy to have seen the site.. reflecting, and reminded of all that has happened here.. and continues to happen. And amazed at the beauty of the landscape as we drove away from the hills back towards the sea over which the sun was setting, the city sprawling out below us..

Will my heart ever learn to cope with the tragedy here..

Better health, happier thoughts!

Yesterday I went to a part of Port-au-Prince called Delmas to find a guy up on a hill to give me a Thai massage. My ill health and distress gave me so much tension that I got an awful, immovable headache, which I could see past. I knew I needed someone to pummel my neck and to relax for a moment. Today I feel like a new person! Headache is gone! I am in such a good mood, and able to think through my issues here a lot more clearly! The experience of finding his house was amazing too. I was on the back of a motorbike, with my preferred driver Jean-Claude, and we drove round and round for ages. We ended uo in a really nice, rich area, where one house was completely flattened by the earthquake.. I tried to imagine it happening and hoped the house had been empty when it collapsed. It was a really nice house, kinda 1970s James Bond lair style, in a nice area... The earthquake certainly did not discriminate.
We continued driving up a dirt, very very steep track and quickly ended up in an area of slum-like cement houses, where a little bunch of outhouses proudly displayed the stickers of the Irish NGO GOAL. We went up and up and up, willing the motorbike forward, stopping to ask for directions every few minutes, until we got to the top and found the house. Daniel, the masseus, a really nice, gentle guy who has lived in Switzerland for the last 20 years was waiting and i spent one of my favourite hours here in Haiti, clearing my head of all the millions of thoughts, relaxing my muscles and healing.. It was great :)

I have been given permission to stay at the hospital in one of the volunteer houses for 2 weeks, during which time I will search for a room to rent. My only problem is financial. One thing is clear to me right now, i cannot, for my health and sanity stay in the office. It made me sick and I feel so uneasy there.  But I so so so so so want to stay in Haiti!!!! I need to find a way.

I had a wonderful meeting this morning with one of our students, who is studying development studies. He has all these amazing ideas to help Haiti, to develop the country starting with the environment. I'm looking forward to seeing him work on those ideas and am so pleased to be able to help him to help his country.

Here are some pictures of the cathedral:

Ill health and sad thoughts...

Sorry for leaving the last post on such a bad note.. i've received many worried messages, thank you for those! But please, do not worry.. (it only makes me feel guilty for choosing to do this!) And I'm fine, or at least I will be. I have been wanting to do this for 4 years, I knew the risks, and was aware how difficult it would be..
For there to be life there has to be birth! And birth is a pretty nasty thing to go through.. I am being born into Haiti, and I'm feeling vulnerable and scared like a newborn.. But I will be ok, Mama Haiti will look after me, and I will love her. (It is possible this analogy sprang into my mind because I am currently staying beside the maternity wing of the hospital, and can frequently hear the screams of labour...)
From what I observe, life in Haiti is so entwined with Birth and Death.. Well, my experience of it is.. How many babies have been born next door since I arrived? Judging by the screaming coming from those women in labour it's quite a few.. Where are these newborns gonna end up? What kind of life will they have? How many will survive their first 5 years of life? The statistics don't look good..

I went back to the office last week for one night, to sleep in my bedroom. My mosquito net fell on top of me in the night. There was no water, and I got the beginning of a migraine that is still ongoing 5 days later. So I came back to stay in the hospital with a friend of Astrid's. The office, with my bedroom attached, is unfinished and I'm not comfortable there. (understatement) The mosquitos there are in their thousands, im not joking, and this is a zone of high risk of malaria.. it only takes one bite! There is no electricity most of the time, so no internet either.. There is no furniture, no kitchen, no cooker, nowhere to boil water for a little green tea, no fridge.. just a desk and a chair and my bed.. and total darkness at night.. strange noises around coming into the house through the windows with no glass..
The real problem is the isolation and loneliness. I am detached from everywhere else by a difficult and expensive motorbike ride..
Anyway, the point is, if I want to stay in Haiti, I cannot live there. I am looking for a room to rent.

A couple of days ago, one of the volunteers here took me on a tour of the hospital. There is an orphanage (or boarding house - some of the kids' parents are alive but dont have the means to care for them) a new wing for the treatment of cholera - that was a hard one, little skinny kids on drips with their mothers at their bedside..
Then there is A&E, maternity, and the pediatric hospital.. I visited kids in the cancer ward who all called me "Princess Fiona", and then the room where the abandoned babies are.. ones who will have just been left on the steps of the hospital, many of them handicapped in some way. My experiences in Thailand prepared me for stepping into a space where babies with hydrocephalus (water on the brain, where their heads are swollen to 2 or 3 times their normal size) are waiting to die, and others with severe deformities.. There were two babies in there with cholera, also waiting to die.. One was 3 months, the other was 4 months, but between them, they wouldnt have weighed as much as a healthy newborn. They were soooo tiny, arms like matchsticks.
I took a little 13month old, Lubin, out for a little walk.. as he waddled along, leaning on his walker, i thought about my parents, my brother, my cousins, my grandparents.. all those people that love me, that support me, encourage me, unconditionally! And how this little adorable creature has nobody in the world to love him. No one is going to hold him close when he is crying and say any real words of comfort. I thought about how that is going to become his reality as he grows older, stronger and totally independent - because he will have to in order to survive.